Monday, August 24, 2015

Much Needed Adventures

Saturday should have been a great day full of exploring and traveling with friends, but as the plans started to unravel stress and frustration set in, and instead of picking up the pieces and reworking our plans, I decided to stay home and work. I'm glad that I did. I got a lot done and I felt no sense of regret about my decision not to explore. I knew that Kaylah, Jason, and Jake were having a great time and getting some awesome spots, but I was feeling burned out and uninspired. I didn't want to be around people. I wanted to hide inside of my apartment.

After a day of sitting in front of the computer, listening to Chopin, and editing wedding photos; I was feeling restless. I love the night. I love darkness, and when the darkness fell and met my darkened mood, inspiration struck. I wanted, no...needed, to be a part of it. Conveniently enough, Brandon text me asking if I wanted to go shoot. He picked me up and then off we went. 

We looked at one spot but it didn't feel right and we decided not to risk it, so we headed to one of the many bridges over the Cuyahoga River. We dodged trains and took a few photos. It had been a while since I had done much climbing and I was rusty, and to be honest, scared. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of heights, but I am overly cautious. We had fun and it felt good to sneak around in the shadows, but I wasn't satisfied. 

We spent quite a bit of time working on a location that has been on our list for a while now, but this was Saturday night and the city was busy. Every angle we tried to access this place from was crowded with valets, and security guards who looked like they hated their lives. We called it quits and walked over to another spot. It's a rooftop that I had done before but Brandon hadn't. The climb up is intimidating to say the least. It's not that it's difficult, although it's certainly not easy, it messes with your head more than anything else. I let Brandon head up as I weighed the pros and cons of making the climb. I had already been up there, the climb was sketchy, would it really be worth a return visit? Frustration set in hard. I began to really hate myself. I was disappointed in myself for feeling defeated, cowardly, uninspired, and old. I did't like who I was in that moment, so I quite literally climbed out of the funk that I was in. I knew I could make the climb, I had done it before. Two minutes later I was standing on a roof, sweating, and a little bit shaky, but on the roof none the less.

Don't look down....or do look down, it's up to you.

Brandon goes out on a limb for a killer photo op.

There are times when my introversion pulls me inward to a point that I can't bare being around people. When my anxiety paralyzes me while my heart races and my body aches to move. When my desperation for adventure and discovery overwhelms me, only to be disappointed when I can't find anything new to explore or photograph. It is these times when all of these conflicting emotions merge into a crescendo that culminates in me being twelve stories above the city streets, feeling alive, feeling like myself. 

Photos taken with a Canon 6D and Canon 60D, using a Canon 20mm f/2.8 and Rokinon 8mm fisheye.

No comments:

Post a Comment